2 Kekkons and a wedding dress
by Winterflower
Summary: Narugami comparing of the old days and the present, when he had to don a dress once more. One shot, OOCs and based on Narugami’s POV. Rated: T18 for a bit of gore and crossdressing and Narugami’s mouth


2 Kekkons and a wedding dress.

By Winter flower

Summary: Narugami comparing of the old days and the present, when he had to don a dress once more. (One shot, OOCs and based on Narugami's POV)

Rated: NC18 (for a bit of gore and cross-dressing and Narugami's mouth)

Well, it was a nice and fine day, as I headed towards the shrine, thinking of certain things. Even though, Heimdall and Loki always teased and commented that my head is filled with nothing except cotton wool and thoughts of drinking and smashing, well they are wrong. At least I'm much better than Freyr, he's such a fruitcake. Anyway, I was thinking about Reiya who was the reincarnation of Freya's words regarding to her dream.

I really don't really understand my old man for just dumping me here on Midgard without any financial backup plans at all. Hell Loki and Freya lived a better life than me while Loki is in exile with Megane serving him and Freya for other reasons and it's so unfair. DAMN IT! If the next god who appeared in Midgard and having a wealthy lifestyle, I will throttle him and sent him to Niflheim and rant to my old man the next time I see him. Anyway, no doubt old man sired me, but I still don't understand what the hell he was thinking. Sometimes I really swear with Boy Scout pledge he was like a woman in male form, especially for one moment he was a fun loving dad and then the next thing you know he would be creating havoc in PMSing mode, that Loki's pranks were just nothing but a walk in the park. Reiya was not the only one who had prophetic dream, well not exactly; I had a repeating dream of a voice that kept repeating the same order to kill Loki as he was the harbinger of the end of the world.

Upon reaching the shrine and I causally greeted them and Daidouji lectured me regarding to my school uniform and how tasteless it was, in case if anyone didn't know, I was invited by Daidouji to attend a Shinto style wedding or Kekkon but I came for the most obvious reason, free food and mead duh, what else do you expect? But what do you expect I'm a poor high school boy with no thanks from my dad, that the school uniform is the only thing that I ever possessed besides my Mjollnir, I was about to inform her of my impoverish state when I noticed a change in attire that Loki usually wore. Oh my bad, I thought it was a wedding, but it turned out to be Shichi-go-san or children day festival that we will be attending.

So I didn't want to look like a fool so I just frankly said that we were celebrating Shichi-go-san with Loki to him, only to bust his ego bubble and sent him in a roaring rage with Freya crying in his wake. Man this was fun, teasing Loki on his current height. Anyway I was gloating over Loki's predicament, when I noticed something. Oh I got the facts right, it was a wedding, oh ok, that sort of remind me of a certain wedding that I don't even want to remember at all. Not all and I have no intention of reliving it again.

Anyway Daijouji's old man was lecturing her of inviting us over to the wedding, man it was unfair as isn't a wedding supposed to be merry and need be shared with everyone. I was standing there, grousing on the unfairness of the situation, when the groom announced that the minibus was here to pick up the guest. Yay, finally after waiting for three hours, now's he talking. Bring on the minibus baby; we got a wedding dinner to attend to and to smooch off. I was doing a Maori victory dance when he stated that we were going to walk to the groom's home on foot. FUCK! How can he pass up a free transportation there? I demanded why we had to go there on foot, and from his explanation I found out that he always gets motion sickness on any moving vehicle. Aw, this really so unfair, and I was ranting the unfairness when the bride took photos of Daidouji and Loki in several poses, only him to realize the mistake and went ranting despite the bride stating that it was alright, gee Loki was really dense that he has hots on Daidouji who was too obsessed with mysteries that I bet that he would be moaning of her name while he was sleeping, but then I'm not telling, cause it will spoil the fun, especially when he was in denial mode and with him he would come up with ways to get even and its very painful, trust me, I can write up a list with all his exploits on us, the gods that he was qualified enough to be in Santa's naughty list.

As I watched them, I wondered was it old man just booted me here for no reason or to be just as an assassin to finish off Loki, was it what he wanted me to be here? But I am the defender of justice, and this was so low, he is the creator of mischief and chaos, sure he whipped up a few humiliating pranks on us gods, even up to now, I'm still feeling a bit queasy from that prank that he had rigged a few centuries back, but still he didn't deserved that. Oh well that will be later, as I'm going to enjoy myself over a nice wedding banquet, but I just can't help having bad feeling of it.

After several hours later of walking, we have finally reached the groom house and only to find out that the family of the groom owned a tea ceremony school. WHAT! NOOO! This can't be happening, I don't even know a thing on it, I hope Loki could bail us out of this mess, wait, better not, with his 'guidance', I don't think I can't live with another humiliation again. Oh yeah, I almost forgot, if he want to pull a prank, he would also be humiliating Daidouji at the same time. Phew fortunately, Kakinouchi mentioned that we don't have to attend the tea ceremony at all. That's great but I just can't help feeling a bad vibe out of it, oh well there's food banquet needed to be rescued. Food here I come, come to papa baby, as I launched myself to the food, guzzling like there was no tomorrow. Ahhhh like someone said with food and drinks are enough to spread cheer around for any celebration. So here I was filling up my poor empty purse when Loki started blowing his top and causing everyone to flee from his wrath. Well it took awhile for him to cool down, man with that temper of his, its no wonder that he was always so short, really I was much taller than him during our godhood days. Maybe he should take some more calcium in order to grow taller. After watching him mumbling to himself and Daidouji fussing over him like a big sister to a ten year old kid, oh come on, he's way older than that. A grown man like him shouldn't be fussed over like that; instead he should be like me, show our might and glory to the world. Whoha! Excuse me for a minute, eh? What happened to my Mjollnir? OH NOO! This can't be happening, as I gripped my head in horror as a certain memory appeared in my mind …

A thousand centuries back …

"Silf! Have you seen my Mjollnir?" I yelled as I threw objects around the room searching for my said hammer, not noticing the disgruntled look on my blonde wife's face as she sat on our bed.

"No, I didn't, darling why don't you come to bed and search for it tomorrow?" she suggested to me, but I didn't take note of the tone that she was using.

"I can't, I need to find it now!" I yelled back at her as I rummaged the cupboards, not noticing the dark aura that was eliminating from Silf.

"You and your bloody Mjollnir! Mjollnir this and Mjollnir that! I can't take it any longer! Sometimes I really swear that you loved your damned Mjollnir more than me!" she screamed out loud, causing me to stare at her in surprise, for spewing foul language at me.

"Honey, you know that's …"

"Don't give me your bullshit load of crap, Thor! Sometimes I feel that your fucking Mjollnir is your loyal consort instead of me! GET OUT OF THIS ROOM NOW AND STAY OUT!" she screamed as she hurled me out of the room, causing me to land onto Loki who wandering outside the halls…

While I searched frantically for my Mjollnir, I heard the dreaded words from Loki as he tossed the bridal gown on me. Fuck! No way would I let him dress me up in that again, not with a 10 foot pole.

"Hell no, you are going to dress me in that!" I yelled out at him.

"Aww, you won't die from a little playacting as you are around Ayana's build, they won't notice the difference." That cheeky blighter replied, smirking in that evil smirk of his.

"NOT FAIR! Why can't you let Daidouji to dress up as the bride!" I yelled back at him, after hearing Daidouji exclaiming her envy over me wearing that blasted gown. Upon looking at his face, I suddenly thanked dad who was in Asagard for putting him in a body of a kid and without rune magic before chucking him to Midgard. For his rune magic packed a terrible sting and I really don't want to be turned into a rabbit, just because he can't bear to see Daidouji playacting as the bride for the clueless groom.

Fortunately I didn't mention Freya but she was in a kid mode and had no recollection of her past I really shudder at that time. ..

In the past …

"Oei Loki, managed to find Mjollnir?" I yelled as I shook him very hard after he had landed and transformed back to himself.

"Chill Thor, with you showing so much concern over that short handled hammer, no wonder Silf was pissed off with you."

"Damn you Loki, stop prying into my affairs with my wife, tell me do you have Mjollnir?" I roared, causing his hair to fly all over the place.

"Yes I found your hammer, but there's a glitch, 'cos, the kidnapper, Thrym, wanted Freya as a ransom for your hammer."

"No problemo, so we hand over her and we get Mjollnir back right." I ran straight into Freya's room only to find myself being thrown out by Freya's voice that I really swear that she must have put some amplifiers hidden somewhere in her room, so that she can sing her love to Loki with that horrible screechy voice of hers, followed by some breaking of some gold accessory, causing her to scream twice the usual volume, alerting the whole Asagard over it even Heimdall who was guarding the bridge heard it.

During the meeting, while we were discussing how to get Mjollnir back from those frost giants bastards without handing over Freya who was crying waterworks with mom comforting her over her being the ransom and her broken Brising necklace. Heimdall dropped the bomb that they should get me to be the bride and you think I was so dumb to let them dress me up, hell no. but dad, damn him, said that I should have taken better care of my possessions…

Current time…

Anyway, I protested against that to Loki only get blackmailed by him using my Mjollnir as a hostage and even dared to tickle and scratched it. Sigh, somehow I have a gut feeling that my wyrad was against me and one of the Norns especially the long hair one who was a sadist, was messing around with me, as I was forced to don that dreaded dress. After reluctantly dressing the blasted gown and got my face powdered by Daidouji and Reiya, I thought of that time …

Back to the past:

"Noooo! Hell no I'm not wear that damned dress!" I howled as I was running around the halls in state of undress being chased by Freya, mom and my dear sweet wife Silf.

"But darling, please keep still, we need to put the corset and dress on you and apply the makeup." Silf called out in a singsong voice, causing me to scream louder in horror as I ran away from them. I didn't know that my own dear sweet wife was so vengeful and sold me just like that. But the chase was short lived as I bumped into a feminine version of Loki and fell on my rump.

"What happened to you Loki?" I yelled in surprise, without noticing the three ladies grabbing me and dragging me away screaming and kicking with him laughing and gloating at my misfortune.

"I going to lend you my Brising necklace for a while Thor, so take good care of it." Freya cheerfully placed the newly mended necklace repaired by Loki on me and shooting if you ruined my necklace I gonna to make you suffer a thousand pains that you wished that you were just a puny mortal glare at me before I could even protest against wearing that hideous jewelry. As I left the room, sulking like there was no tomorrow, that cheeky blighter was really like a fruity bastard, placed the veil on me before ushering me onto Freya's chariot drawn by her kitty cats, I made sure that those cats suffered the same fate with me, well she didn't mentioned take good care of her chariot and cats. So misery loves company.

Anyway back to the present:

"Aw, you look so pretty." Loki gushed as he placed the hat on me, speaking of dejavu. Hell even Kakinouchi whom I swear if he had dyed his hair to straw blond and wear those spiffy English coats, he would a mortal clone of Loki, I really shudder of that thought, had joined the fray. Sigh there goes my pride of manhood; I would be a laughing stock here, oh well at least I don't have to see Loki wearing that dress and behaving like a whore. I still had goose bumps watching him after he got off the chariot to that asshole's castle. After following the knot as I asked that fruity bastard who's the lady over there, shit the groom is there and saying the same words like that clueless horny bastard king what's his name Thames or something like that, causing Loki to ask me to nod in response for the groom.

After many grueling hours of following the traditions, I can't even believe that I had to crawl through that small hole for a door, it's so complicated, hell back then; all I did was just sit in the hall drinking my mead and meal and waiting for the arrival of my Mjollnir. After sitting uncomfortably and seeing the servant delivering the stacks of boxes, I checked with Loki whether were those foods and he replied in affirmative, boy I was glad to find that there's food after all, so I just took the first box on the top and only to find one tiny piece of teacake in it. What! Compared to this, the feast that I had in that asshole's wedding was much bigger than this, oh well; beggars can't be choosers, so I quickly gobbled up the teacake, still recalling of the silly excuses that that fruity bastard came up for the horny bastard when he tried to get fresh on me and prevent from shuddering during the wedding ceremony. I was about to finish that miserable teacake when Loki announced the knot lady leaving so suddenly. Oh she's leaving, wait … I recalled Loki was saying about someone wanted to sabotage this well …. For a while, something clicked the knot was the bitch who set me up in this mess, I stood up in anger not caring the shock that I created when I revealed my gender to the groom as my gown came apart. Hell I don't care for there's blood needed to be spilt, namely the knot bitch. I rushed to the door with the confused bridegroom latched onto me demanding explanation, I can't blame the groom, but it's that bitch's fault. After struggling with the dress and groom how I preferred the past where I just jumped up and bashed those bastards' brains including the horny asshole off upon receiving my hammer, ooh, how I loved the song of skulls being broken by Mjollnir when I landed it on them. I finally rushed to the scene, only to find that nothing was wrong and the whole ceremony will be restarted. So the tea ceremony went without any hitches and the rest was history for the bride and groom except for me chasing Loki around the hall for giving me a horrendously bitter drink…

The next day at Loki's mansion

I was hollering my heart out when I found out from the fruity bastard that the knot bitch had messed with one of the tea cakes, I don't think that I survive with the poison upon consuming the doctored cake, god or not.

But the shameless bastard reassured me that he knew the screwed cake was in the black box and had the guts to use that I'm too cute to be thrashed look that I can't bear to land a single blow on him. Sigh I really want to have some blood spilt, but it's the twenty first century where every blood spilt is considered as murder. Sigh wyard is not kind. I realized that if Loki knew who the sabotager was and then there was no need me to cross dress. I was about to rant and strangle that fruity bastard when Daidouji came barging in announcing her arrival and the photos were already developed, causing the fruity bastard to pale in horror.

Well at least wyard had decided to be kind even though there was no bloodshed but I really loved this century, for all you know that you don't usually get blackmailing material on the god of mischief and chaos especially when he dressed for shichi-go-san.

Owari

Winter chan: somehow when I read the comic, I had the impression that whatever demons it seems to represents the 7 sins, especially when Loki goes demon purging, it seems to embody all seven sins, especially the vampire one represent jealously and lust. I hope that you all enjoy reading this fic and review it. show me the review baby.


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